Current Mood: discontent
11:25 p.m. - 08/17/2008
horoscopes, distracting myself, a true love's kiss, vacations, etc
So it was the strangest thing, yesterday i was riding down to woodbrige, va with Andre and his parents for thier family reunion and andre decided to read his horoscope on his phone. After heairng it just for the hell of it I decided to ask hiom to read mine. Something to do on the long car ride, though I typically dont take horoscopes that seriously. But this one was eeriely acccurate. it said something along the lines of : In spite of what everyone around you is telling you to do follow your instincts and let your feelings be known. You may or may not like the outcome but at least it will givce you the peace of mind that you have been searching for.
Ask any of my friends and they will tell you that for the past week that's exactly what I've been saying I needed to do. Just put my feelings out there, not execting anything, but so that at least i'll never have to wonder what if I had actually done something.
The problem is I dont know when I'll get the chance to do this. And in the mean time I'm still completely bummed out. It's times like this I really wish I was still in college. There were distractions everywhere so much so that I hardly ever got the chance t just sit around and mope like I've been doign the past few days.
In other news, yesterday Jessica, maia, Rocio, kate, trisha and I had this girls night out at Zengo, this nice expensive restaurant in Chinatown. We all got all dressed up and went to dinner and i must say that i did enjoy myself. Except that kate and I pregamed on the metro ride there and I was pretty drunk throughout dinner. Afterwards we were going to go to a club, but there was a stabbing near the restaurant and lots of commotion so Maia and Jessie went home. the rest of us were still going to go out (even thouh i was so drunk i decided id have water at the club, but when we walked around the corner to the club we wanted to go to, it was closed. So we decided to go to adams morgan. But Kate and I decided we were too drunk to be walking all he way to the metro from adams morgan when we were done so we opted to just go home instead. We got back at aroun 1:30 and I was wasted. I tried to im duffie to talk to him, but he responded 5 minutes later and i was already passed out. thats how drunk i was. One minute Im up ready to talk, the next im passed out.
I spent most of today swinging moods from high to low. I watched a couple of girly movies and they depressed me even more cause I think I'll never have that. I watched enchanted and wished that life was like a fairy tale. I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss, and then all of a sudden he comes and rescues me and the next day we get married and live happily ever after. The I watched a few episodes of sex in the city and realized that it was probably so popular becasue it's so much like real life. I took a nap and woke up very upset becasue in my dream everyhting was perfect and i had just awakened to the reality where everything sucked.
I idd something relateively foolish and treid to have a serisou conversation with duffie, for some insane reason. I tried to talk to him about why i was upset becasue he asked, and somehow he ended up turning the conversation around to himself. "apologize to me for calling me a jerk becasue now i'm depresed." "you should be proud of yourself you have a magical gift for turning people into jerks"
yes phrases like that were really seriosuly his way of trying to help.
The thougth of going to work tomorrow is horrifying. of being around all those poeple and putting on a fake smile. How im goign to manage to focus on wokr is beyond me.
Next week I go to Las vegas with my mom and brother. I dont know how i feel about that. hopefully I'll be out of my rut and able to enjoy myself. if not I'm probably gonna spend the whole trip being a lush.
Something I do have to look forward to is my trip to Florida at the end of septmenber. Maybe its the sunshine, I don't know, but for some reason I'm happy whne Im there. And even thoguh I havent talked to them yet about my trip and meeting up since it was just planned, I'm sure I'll get to see my friends and my Kersten and my Michelle always always always make me happy.
You know what else I'm upset about? the fact that I still havenet been able to cry. I almost got there toaday, but once again my eyes welled up with tears and i got that feeling like i was about to strat bawling, but nothing would come out.
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