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10:00 a.m. - 12/17/2008
Hibernation
So I've decided I'm going into hibernation, or rather that I have been in hibernation since I got home from work on Tuesday becasue I've been locked in my room wrapped up in bed since then, only leaving for bathroom breaks. I took off ofowrk again today because I couldnt bear the thought of it coming to an end. And it's raining. And I've decided I dont like my job enough to go into work when i's raining anymore. Well anyway, I was awakened from my hibernation today by Andre telling me the office claims we owe them money. Turns out we had some bullshit late fee on our old apartment that they let escalate instead of telling us we owed it. How many times have we been down there and how many times have they looked at our account what with the apartment transfer and all, and they couldnt bother to tell us we owed something. So now I've got to come up with yet another $500 to put towards this stupid apartment.

So I'm very annoyed by that.
Next I'd just like to say that men suck in general. Maybe I'm bitter becasue Trisha and kate have magically found boyfriends leaving me to tough out singleness alone. Trisha says its evening things out since I had so many men in college and they didnt. Bullshit. Anyway. I'm a wonderful, gorgeous, intelligent woman. I don't consider myself to have my life together, but most people do. Nice aparmtent, nice job, plans for the future. I'm independent and stand up for what I believe in. I'm unique. I've just got this slew of great qualities. So why is it that when I meet guys all they can focus on is my looks. It's so frickin annoying.
then you think you meet a nice guy who's interested in you and he gets all wierd. Is it so hard to say, hey I'm not interested, don't waste your time on me? I do it all the time with no problem. I hate dating. And that's probably the reson I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life. Guys who try to meet me in bars and clubs, I turn down right away, becasue they're drunk, and usually staring at my boobs, and I'm a snob that way and refuse to try anything with a guy who tries to pick girls up in bars. Maybe that's my problem. Trisha and kate both met their bfs in bars. Although I have to say if ti werent for me kate wouldn't have met that guy. He was trying to talk to me and he totally wasnt my type, so I pawned him off on kate, and she's very happy about that. but anyway, I can't meet guys at work, becasue I'm a differnet person there and like to keep my personal life and work life separate. I've exhausted the friends category. So I think I'm pretty much screwed. it almost makes me think that amybe I should have taken Duffie up on his marriage proposal. ALMOST being the key word. I know I deserve way better than that bullshit. And while we're on the subject of him, what is up with that bullshit? "I'm not ready to have a serious girlfriend now but I want to marry you. but then when you tell me no, I go out and get a serious gf right away and consider letting her move in wiht me." Like I said men suck. I feel like in spite of my best efforts I'll always just be the girl you fuck, not the girl you want a relationship with. Becasue apparently it's impossible for a girl to be smart and have a good head on her shoulders, but also like to have fun and dress sexily. Why do gusy think that way? I guess i should have known that's how I was percieved becasue even Joe and Danny two of my best guy friends now, thought i was some stupid airhead whne they first met me. Both of them were shocked when they found out I was capable of intelligent conversations. and one more thing. What the hell is wrong with being a vegetarian. Seriously I don't go around judging those people who choose to poisen thier bodies wiht animal carcas, I just choose not to do it myself. I just personally can't do it with a clear conscience knowing how that poor animal suffered before it was killed. Top of the food chain blah blah blah. What about the animals that are carnivores, blah blah blah. whne you're ready to go out into the wilderness and hunt down you're own meat. Come talk to me. But I just personally find something very wrong wtih raising animals on a farm just to slaughter them when they come of age. Not to mention physically our bodies are not that of carnivores. Our digestive systems, our teeth, all that of herbivores, which is why meat lead to so many health conditions in humans. Aks me to go into more detail ont his issue if you're interested. But anyway I'm very open minded with the whole thing. I only have 2 very close vegetarian friends, and one coworker at the zoo. Everyone else in my life is a carnivore. Sure I tease my very close friends about it. And I do make my views known, but I don't judge. I mean really, I go out to steakhouses wiht my carnivore friends and just find something non meat to eat on the menu, without making this huge deal about it. So it irks me when people judge me becasue of my beliefs.

Next thing. I really really hate Christmas time. I ahte being forced to spend money I don't have on presents no one really needs or face looking like a cheapskate. I also hate the fact that my mom is willing to give me $1000 to buy presents for myself to put under the tree instead of just givinbg me that $1000 to pay all the bills I'm behind in. I like shopping, so part of me is happy to go into stores and get whatever I want without worrying about price. And don't get my wrong, my mother is amazing for being willing to give her 25 year old daughter $1000 shopping spree for Christmas. But this year especially I cna't enjoy the clothes, and shoes,and jewlry,and dvds etc when I keep thinking of how I could have caught up on ym bills with that money.

Okay I don't even really know waht I'm rambling on about anymore, so I'm gonna stop here. I'm jsut really frustrated to say the least. I feel like what i really need is to go out and party tonight, but truth be told, I don't like the club/bar scene anymore. when we do go out I'm pretty much dragged kicking and screaming. Kate's out of town (and I should be with her) so our normal girls night in is out tonight. Trisha's out of town too, so nothing there. I guess i could try to tag along with the gays tonight. But I don't know if my self esteem is in the mood for that. I'll probably jsut continue my hibernation and not leave my room for yet another day. I think Tomorrow I think I'm throwing a b-day party for jasmine who's turning 18. Which means I'm gonna have to come out of hibernation and be social with a bunch of 18 year olds. whooptie frickin doo. Maybe I'll try to con stephanie into coming over.

Anyway, that's all. It's proabbly in everyone's best interest to stay clear of me for a while unless you want your head bitten off.

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