Current Mood:
1:39 p.m. - 12/22/2008
Bothersome things
My recent bout of depression has decreased my appetite so much that i've rapidly lost about 10 pounds. People at work are noticing and keep asking me what I've been doing to lose the weight. I think they suspect an eating disorder since they never see me eat. But I've been making up elaborate stories about jogging wiht the dog for an hour at 4am every morning.
Next I have to comment on how overly sensitive I am. I absolutely hate it, and can not take it when people yell at me. this morning Andre called me and yelled at me for opening his bedroom door, and I was on the verge of tears for over an hour. I dont understand why he has to be such an ass all the time and catch an attitude with me for stupid stuff. He's a horrible friend because he's my roommate and supposedly my best friend but hasnt even taken notice of how I've been teetering on the edge of snaity for the past week. I mean really what kind of friend is so self absorbed he doesnt notice that his roommate hasnt gotten out of bed for several days, or hasnt eaten in several days, or has rapidly lost 10 pounds, or locks herself in her room and cries for several hours at a time? And then to top everything off yells at me for something stupid knowing how upset I get when someone yells at me. He's such an insensitive ass. Signing another lease with him was the biggest mistake I could have ever made.
i couldnt sleep last night because the pain was just overwhelming, so I'm running on no sleep right now. I literally spent all ngiht on the phone with Duffie who was getting drunk becasue he's on vacation for a week and has decided to drink nonstop becasue he's a crazy alcoholic. It was kind of nice talking to him. It almost reminded me of way back in the day when he, stephanie and I used to stay up all night talking on the phone, when we were just friends. But anyway, it was only kind of nice because every time he'd mention one of his 'girlfriends' or talk about this girl he's sleeping with (btw he has two official gfs and is regularly hooking up wiht another girl) it would make me sick to my stomach. And I would want to kill him when he would go on and on about how i drove him to that becasue he only loves me but knows he's lost me for good, blah blah blah. He's such an ass.
Anyway, this depression is really hitting me hard. I hope I can pull through it without doing anything stupid. you can't imagine how strong the urge to cut is right now, but I've been fighting it wiht all of my might.Christmas is just a couple days away, and I feel no excitement or joy or anything. I think my mom is beiggining to pick up on my apathy towards everything she calls me to tlak about. I just hope something works itself out. i cna't go on like this.
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