Current Mood:
9:33 p.m. - 04/20/2009
more laziness
So here's the deal. It is not the case that I'm suddenly remembering this other guy becasue things are sooo over between me and duffie that we're not even friends anymore. The thing about my dysfunctional realtionship with duffie is that it represented my laziness at its best. As long as I always had him on the backburner I never really had to do what I hate doing and actually talk about my feelings as they relate to other guys. I could just sit around and if a guy liked me and i liked him back, and he did all the work, then great. But if not, I could just go to duffie for that emotional connection that you get from romantic relationships. But it wasnt real. It was always fake. Becasue any time things got too serious we'd back away and focus on something shallow and superficial. I also never had to worry about the rejection factor because I didnt care. Again I always had Duffie on the backburner.
Now that its over, I'm forced to deal with the realness. I've actually never stopped thinking about this guy. But he stopped initiating contact for whatever reason and as I said, I dont like to work at new relationships, so I never tried to continue with the contact. So now I'm probably screwed, becasue I doubt I ever cross his mind. I guess everything starts with a hello, so maybe one day I could text him or something and say hello. But knowing myself I probably wont, and he'll probably find someone else who's not afraid to tell him how cute she thinks he is, and how she loves his sense of humour, and how incredicbly talented he is, and how she's never been able to talk to another guy the way that she talks to him.
So you want to hear what so ironic about this whole situation? Duffie decided to give up on me when I was still talking to this other guy becasue apparently one day I was talking about how great he was, and how he fit every one of the qualities on that long list of characteristics that I want in a guy. Duffie however neglected to tell me that he had given up on us. But anyway the point is that if it werent for my relationship with Duffie I might have tried harder to at least maintain a friendhsip with this guy. So I lost Duffie becasue of the guy and I gave up on the guy becasue of Duffie.
It's all just silliness on my part. Maybe this whole situation will teach me to stop being lazy and expecting things to just happen to me. If you want something you have to make it happen. And not just with relationships. I've been sitting on my ass with a lot of stuff, but not anymore. I've said it before, but I relaly mena it this time.
�
�
