Current Mood:
10:17 a.m. - 09/08/2009
overwhelming sadness at the loss of a friend
I just wrote an entry about Salim dying, but I can't stop thinking about it, so I need to write some more. I guess it's normal to be sad when a friend passes away, but I kind of feel like I have no right to be sad. I haven't seen him in over ten years. He wasn't a part of my current life at all. He never got to meet the person that I grew up to be. But he played such an important part in my young life. Immaculate Conception would not have been the same without him. It's funny how things hit you. I heard about his death, and I was sad, but I kind of put it to the back of my mind and ignored it. But now that I've really acknowledged it myself and looked up information to verify what I heard, and shared the news with other people, I'm really sad, and actually on the verge of tears. I'm trying to fight them off, because 1) I'm at work and 2) I feel like I'm being overdramatic shedding tears for someone I hadnt seen in so long.
I just wish I could have reconnected with him. I'm the type of person that is quick to tell people not to dwell on what you could have done or what you should have done, because you didn't do it, there's nothing you can do about it now, so move on. I feel like I need to tell myself that right now, because no matter how hard I try, i cna't stop dwelling on the fact that I never put enough time and effort into looking him up to get in touch with him again. I mean really, in this day and age it would have been so easy, and I hate myself for not doing it.
I really hate the fact that someone so young was killed. I mean he was my age, and now his life is over. I look to the future a lot. Eventually I'll move back to Florida, eventually I'll take the GRE and go to grad school, eventually I'll get a job in my field, eventually I'll do everything. Well what if I don't get the chance to do that because my life is tragically brought to an end at a young age. I won't get to do any of those things. So maybe I'll stop procrastinating on life.
I really just can't seem to shake this sadness. Accidents are sad, but shootings are a lot worse, because if there weren't violent assholes out there who think that carrying a gun makes them a man, then my friend would still be alive and would be starting the new job he just got as an art teacher at a high school. (The job he was out celebrating getting the night he was shot). Here's a link to a newspaper story about him.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/04/AR2009090403762.html
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