Current Mood:
6:03 a.m. - 10/29/2009
Stupid love, stupid bars, getting old and writing a novel
So maybe it's because I'm in the midst of this tragic love affair, but according to Kate I'm becoming boring and anti social in my older age. Meeting guys in bars has completely lost its appeal to me. I think its really just tht I know waht I want in a guy now and my kind of guy isnt going to be scoping out girls in a bar in bethesda. Those guys that do that are losers. OKay, maybe not all of them, but most of them. Kate actually met this guy there last week. He's got a lot of issues. They're hooking up regularly now, and she wants to keep it that way, as just a hookup, but with the way things are going on his end, i see them being a real couple soon.
But anyway, I just dont know what it is about me now. But I hate going out. I'd much rather hang out at a friends house than go to a bar. I mean I see nothing wrong with that. it's way more fun, and way cheaper. Kate used to be my partner in the anti-going out thing, and I'm slightly annoyed that she now enjoys it so much. I mena I can have fun when i go out, but i have to be super drunk in order to do so. Otherwise I come off as kind of bitchy like i have a feeling i did on saturday.
I hate the fact that I'm so closed off now. And I don't know what to do about it. Or maybe I'm just closed off in DC since I hate it here so much. I feel like I might be more open to meeting people at bars in Florida. Hence the Jimmy situation. I'm really disappointed about the fact that things cant work out for us. Perhaps if they did I wouldn't be in love with someone I would never want to date. Oh and if that's not enough, I have a huge crush on this other guy, it's not really love, because I know he's kind of a jerk, but personality wise, he's pretty much my perfect guy. I slept with him a few times, and I wish something more could have come from it. It's funny though because I just have a crush on him, and even though I think of him as my perfect guy personality wise, he's not the one I'm in love with.
Love is really stupid sometimes. I absolutely hate it. I think all of these stupid feelings is what might be causing my insomnia. I just cant stop thinking about him. I think I'm probably going to end up writing my NANOWRIMO novel based on the situation.
Which reminds me, I'm participating in National Novel Writing Month for the first time this year. They goal is write a 50,000 word novel in one month's time. I'm a little nervouis about it, but also excited at the thought of having a novel completed finally. I have so many started.
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