Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry
Currently listening to:

Current Mood:

4:19 p.m. - 12/15/2009
Crystal meth vs Depression (A lot of similarities)
So have you ever noticed how symptoms of depression can strongly resemble symptoms of a crystal meth addiction? I was asked this weekend if I used crystal meth by a family member. She asked very casually while commenting on the awesome book by Ellen Hopkins "Glass" that I'm reading which revolves around her own daughter's addiction to crank. But yeah it made me realize that I actually do exhibit most of the symptoms. First of all there is my rapid weight loss, and my lack of appetite most of the time. Then there is my insomnia. Crank will keep you up for days and then you'll crash. My depression induced insomnia keeps me up for days and then i crash hardcore when my body cna't take it anymore. Reckless endangerment. Depression leads to this because your life isn't important to you because you hate it so much and at some times death would be a wlecome escape. And I guess Crank just makes you that way. I wouldn't know, because like I told my stupid aunt, I'm not stupid enough to ever do drugs like that. I research every drug i use very thoroughly, and anything that messes with chemicals in your brains is not for me. My chemicals are already unbalanced enough without the use of drugs. But anyway, back to the meth depression comparision, htere's also the moodiness, or not so much moodiness as the tendency to snap at people and be mouthy. That right there is a big one that makes people think I'm using. Because I've rarely ever been like that before. I used to deal with dpression by internalizing my feelings and I'd take them out on myself by cutting or doing something else stupid like that. Now I'm a big proponent of the misery loves company aspect, so I'm quick to curse someone out or belittle them to make hem feel like an idiot, or the asshole that they are. Apparently that's common with people who are high on meth also.
Oh and then the general ignoring of responsibilities. Depression causes you to lose motivation to do things like get out of bed, and go to work, and be responsible, etc. And I think crank just makes you not care about those things.

So I'd just like evryone to know for the record that I am not addicted to crank or crystal meth, or speed, or any form of methamphetamine for that matter. I'm actually just depressed. it's not that far fetched. Remember my history? Cutting, Anti-depressants, suicide attempts, hospitalizations. I have managed to keep it under control even though I've been off my meds for over 2 years, but without therapy or meds it was bound to come back some time.

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!