Current Mood:
8:51 p.m. - 05/26/2010
everything hurts
Everything hurts so bad. I can't stop crying. I can barely breathe. My head is pounding. My wrist is burning, yearning for the feeling of the sharp blade pressed against it. I might not be able to resist it this time. I might even cut too deep this time. because I honestly want to die. My life is out of control and it's going nowhere. Apparently everyone can see it, even my mother. You know that person who's supposed to be supportive of you and proud of your accomplishments. She hates me. She thinks I'm a giant fuck up who never does anything right. I've also come to the conclusion that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life because guys only see me as someone to use for sex. Whether I'm drunk or sober they know I'll hook up with them, and sadly I do. i have no respect for myself. So why should I expectt them to respect me. I don't even think I enjoy the sex anymore. I enjoy the contact. I enjoy the kissing, that is if there is even any kissing, because most guys don't kiss whores they just fuck them. I'm upset. I was used by someone I thought I might be able to start a relationship with. I shouldn;t let this kind of thing have such an impact on me. But it does. I don't know why. I used to be fine.
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