Current Mood:
3:34 p.m. - 09/14/2010
How to deal with a horrible revelation when you can't crawl into a hole and die?
You know that feeling when you have a horrible revelation and you just want to crawl into a hole and die. I feel that way now. I guess my revelation wasn't that horrible in the grand scheme of things, but it's horrible to me. I won't share the revelation because it's so frivilous I would feel stupid if anyone else realized what exactly it was that has gotten me so upset. But make no mistakes about it, I am upset. I just want to go home and lock myself in my room and cry. But I have at least 2 more hours of work.
On a semi-related note, I think I am falling into a deep depression. I thought my recent love of sleep was a result of my physical illness, but my lack of motivation to leave my house even to go out drinking with my friends has made me realize that it's more than that. It's my mental illness. I'm going back to the place I've been so many times before. I've been resisting the urge to rekindle my love affair with razor blades, but I fear that soon I wont be able to reisit it any longer. I think I need to start smoking again, or doing some kind of drug. But what? And how do I get my hands on large quantities of it? I've tried living without substance abuse, and its killing me. I don't know what else to do.
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