Current Mood:
1:33 p.m. - 10/31/2011
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It's probably just my hormones making me even consider this, but something just hit me like a ton of bricks. That something was how stupid it is given my history with romantic entanglements to invest my feelings in someone who I've only met once and haven't gotten to spend any time with. How did this happen? Why do I like him so much? It's really scary because I have no control over it anymore. I really like him. More than any other guy I've ever been with, and I feel like I'm just setting myself up to get my heart broken. I don't think I can afford to let it break much more than it's already been broken. I mean in my adult life alone I've had it ripped out, shredded, kicked, and stomped on a ton of times. I want to be able to go with this feeling, and not worry about potential problems, but I can't. I think that's a fault of my attractiveness. Men pretend to like me so that they can use me for sex, and then they toss me aside like yesterday's garbage. Which is technically what I am. Used and discarded trash. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. I like having sex without attachments too, but these guys who have really ended up hurting me (whether I'll admit to it anywhere but here or not) were the onces who made me feel like I was someone special. When I pretty much became a giant whore, it was because I never wanted a man to lie to me and make me like him just so that I would sleep with him, and then for him to break my heart. But apprently men do it anyway. even if I am willing to have sex iwht them on the first date, they still feel the need to lie. The still feel the need to make me feel special. To ask me about my life, my day, my family, my feelings, to make me think they actually care. And then just throw me away when they find a less attractive girl who actually has long term potential with them.
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