Current Mood:
1:06 p.m. - 04/10/2006
Someone who understands
Why can't I find someone who understands me?
Why can't I find someone who loves me for me?
I think I'm destined to be alone forever. And I think I made a mistake. I think I may have lost someone who could have loved me becaseu I was too busy chasing after a dream that will never happen.
Jacob looks at me with such hatred now, and it hurts. I can't stand seeing the look of anger and disgust in his face evertime I'm around. I wish he still loved me. I wish I had loved him more when I had him.
I wish I could have a nondysfunctional relationship for once in my life.
All I want is someone to love me. Is that too much to ask? My lonliness is driving me insane. It's not fair that Jacob has skanks galore to help him move on from our relationship, and I have no one. It should be the other way around. I'm more attractive than Jacob and I have a better personality. So how is it so easy fro him and so hard for me.
I wish I could go back to loving a certain someone, but time and space began to deplete that love and now there's nothing left there but a stupid little crush.
I wish Jacob and I had never dated. My life would be so much easier. I wish I had never met him. Then he could be happy with his stupid skanks from work and I could be happy with someone, anyone way better than Jacob.
Something happened last night that killed me on the inside. It let me know just how little Jacob has grown to care for me. He basically conveyed to me that he wouldn't care if I died. He wouldn't care if I got so upset one day that I ended my life. That hurts.
Don't tell a mentally unstable person something like that. Seriously. He also told me that he doesn't care if what he does hurts me. He doesn't care about the pain that he causes me.
I wish I could meet a guy who understands my emotional instability and loves me anyway. I wish I could find someone who understands that just because I'm not expressing emotions on the outside, that doesn't me I'm not feeling them on the inside. I wish I could find someone to be completely honest with me, and who understands why being honest with me is way more important than preventing my feelings from being hurt. I wish I could meet someone who understands how my mind is my own worst enemy, someone who doesn't freak out when they find out that I sometimes cut myself to relieve the pressure. I wish I could find someone who understands how important my intelligence is to me, and who doesn't get upset when I get better grades than them. Someone who's smart enough to put me in my place if I get too cocky, but who lets me brag about my achievements.I wish I had someone who knows how to have fun, but gives me my space when I need it.
I wish I could meet someone to love me and understand me, but at the rate I'm going at, that will never happened. I'm forever destined to be alone. I'm going to die and old maid.
�
�
