Current Mood:
9:24 a.m. - 2004-02-25
Life Sucks
Things just royally suck right now. I swear I am so close to slitting my wrists in an angry, hopeless rage. But don't worry, I never would. I don't have the guts and plus I'm not ready to die yet. I'm just sick of being alive though.
Lately there's just been one problem after the other. First, there's my mother's health which is on a steady downward spiral until she has a surgery which she currently refuses to have. The doctors keep telling her that she could die any day. She ignores them, but it's scary to me to think of my mother dying.
Second there's this problem that came up whihc I wish not to share with anyone. I have only told one person and she's probably the only one I'll tell. It's really serious, and gets more serious by the day, and unfortunately it cannot be remedied until my financial aid finally comes in.
Thirdly theres the fact that I turned 21, and as a result my medical insurance was dropped whihc means my uch needed prescription for Welbutrin XL now costs $108. The information was supposed to be updated in the system to cover me until I turn 23 becasue I'm a student but for some reason it won't show up in Thaggards computer. so as a result I have been off my meds since my birthday, February 11, and I still have no prescription. And trust me, the difference the medicine makes has become quite noticeable. In fact it leads me to problem #4.
I'm stating to fall behind in school becasue I can't manage to get out of bed in the morning anymore. When I do actually get up for class, it takes everything in me to motivate myself. Even if I'm not tired when I wake up I just don't want to get out of bed. I want to force myself to go back to sleep and live in the world of my dreams. The world where everything is good, and nay problems can be easily remidied. Somedays I just don't feel like I can face the world. I just want to stay secluded in my room, in my bed, away from everything.It's getting so bad that I don't even have a desire to spend time with Jenn and Kersten or JAcob anymore. I just want to be alone.
And then there's the last thing. We still had some stuf left in our old apartment and the maintence people cleared it out so a lot of my stuff was just thrown away, and while it might not have been as valuable as the stuff of Jenn and Kersten that got taken, it hurts a lot, becasue of my current state of depression.
So yeah life sucks a lot. I wish I could just get away from it all. I'm literally driving myself crazy.
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