Current Mood:
9:24 a.m. - 2004-02-25
\"And then to go to sleep\"
Lets go back to my favorite Emily Dickenson poem to express how I'm feeling right now.
The heart asks pleasure first,
And then, excuse from pain;
And then those little anodynes
That deaden suffering;
And then to go to sleep;
And then if it should be
The will of its Inquisitor,
The liberty to die.
-Emily Dickinson
So I think my heart has just got done asking for those anodynes that deaden suffering, and is now just asking to go to sleep. This is why I want to stay in bed all day. This semester I have jsut gotten worse and worse emotionally becasue I can start the poem at the begining of the smester.
First I wanted to have a good semester with good grades, and good relationships, etc. I just wanted everyhting to be good this semester and work out with no problems.
Then a few weeks into it I realized that everything wasn't going to go great what with my roommates abandoning me and classes being more difficult than I had anticipated. So I just wanted to get through it without feeling any pain.
Then a couple weeks later, probably the week before my birthday, the pain came. And all I wanted was to deaden it.
Now the pain and suffering has gotten even worse, and I can't deaden it, so I want to sleep everything away.
I just hope I can start the process over beofre it gets to the point where my heart asks for the liberty to die. Although I know that my mind will never grant my heart that liberty, so I shouldn't be too worried.
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