Current Mood:
7:51 a.m. - 6/16/2003
I Hate DC!!Staying Here is going to Make me go Crazy!!
SO many things wrong, just when I thought everything was finally going right. First of all, now my mother, who lives to see me miserable is thinking about forcing me to stay in this god-awful city for the rest of the summer. I am goigng to go crazy if I can't go back. I hate it here! I HATE THIS CITY! I would be ecstatic if it burned to the ground. I'm sick of getting hit on by men old enough to be my father or young enough for me to babysit. I'm sick of all the no good black men hanging on the street with the sole purpose of harassing attractive girls. It's a shame that this city makes me hate being attractive, and makes me wish I was ugly. It's a shame that I hate leaving my house because I know that even when I go just a short distance, like to my grandmother's house, I'm going to get hit on.
The whole getting hit on thing is jsut the tip of the iceberg. I hate being home on Friday and Saturday nights. I hate having to ask my mother's permission to have my boyfriend over. I hate having to let her know when I'm going out. I hate being criticized for the way I dress. I hate the weather here. I hate the big city atmosphere. I hate that my only friends in DC are boring most of the time, and that I can't hang out with them every night.
So you see, I HATE DC!!!!!!!!!
If she makes me stay here I know I'm going to become suicidal again.
Now, my other problem. My boyfriend. Our relationship isn't like it used to be. I'm not as comfortable as I used to be with him. I feel like we just started dating, not like we've been dating for 2 years. I feel like I just met him and we are in the awkward beginning stages of the relationship. And also, he's become a selfish lover. The sex isn't as good and as often as it used to be, and when we do have sex it feels more like sex and less like lovemaking. It's like we're feigning intimacy.
Now don't get me worng,I still love him and being with him, but I just wish things could go back to the way they used to be. I wish I weren't such a coward and actually had the courage to be honest and talk about my feelings with him.
SO basically, LIFE SUCKS! I hate my life! I'm goign to go crazy if forced to stay in this city. It just has too many memeories that I would rather forget.
�
�
