Current Mood:
9:35 a.m. - 2006-06-12
Casualties.....
In life there are always casualties. Someone has to be sacrificed in order to accomplish waht we want. I feel like my feelings are always the casualties. I feel like its always a "we really want to do this but maybe we shouldn't it could hurt somebody...but oh wait it's just Leandria who cares if we hurt her" type thing.
Right who cares if I get hurt? As long as they selfishly get what they want. Who cares if it kills me? They have what they want. Leandria's no big loss...she can be sacrificed.
So on to another subject, although slightly related, I finally realized why I like sleeping with Jacob so much. Not just because he offers me comfort and security and I just love the way I feel in his arms, but also because my nights are safer if I'm in his bed. Safer from myself. When I'm alone in my bed at night trying to go to sleep but unable to because I think too much the temptation is too great to walk to my bathroom and grab my razor. It's too hard to resist. I've been really good lately because I have been sleeping with Jacob, and I was good tonight in spite of the temptation, but it almost hurts me not to pick it up.
Moving on yet again last night I had the weirdest dream about my ex. We were debating whether we should get back together and some bitches who liked him kept starting fights with me. And then as the dream progressed he slowly started becoming more and more Jacob. Don't want to go into too much detail, but yeah it was weird.
Oh so sadly Kersten is not moving back to tallahassee. I'm sooo sad but she's right at least she is just like an hour and a half away. It could be a lot worse.
I also feel like I'm being lied to again or at least that something is being hidden from me and its pissing me off. People in general are pissing me off. Why do people have to lie, and hurt you, and disappoint you so much?
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