Current Mood:
7:58 a.m. - 10/9/2003
memories of the last time
As I walked towards your house I was plagued with lonliness that you couldn't begin to imagine. "We" always meant a lot more to me than it did to you.
When you opened your door, the scent of your cologne made it harder for me to compose myself, but somehow I did. I forced myslef to ignore the flood of memories that the scent released in my mind. Memories of you and I together, lying in bed, our bodies pressed against each other, my head resting on your chest as the beat of your heart, and your hand gently stroking my back, put me to sleep.
Memories of finally understanding what love was really about.
You greeted me with an awkward hug as I stepped into your house, and I was saddened by the fact that our embrace was no longer one of passion and loving familiarity.
When we were seated in the living room, you asked me if I wanted to get anyhting off of my chest, and although my inner voice was shouting and crying becasue of how badly you had hurt me and longing for an answer as to why things had to turn out this way, I responded with a simple no.
You mentioned that you were sorry, in a casual tone, and I wanted so badly to respond to you, but I kept my composure, and handed you the present that i had come over to give you, the last gift that I would ever give you, and it wans't even anything special. Nothing but a shirt that I thought would look flattering on you when I saw it in the store.
You thakned me for the gift, and we engaged a short, polite, and superficial conversation. Then you offered to walk me home.
I didn't want to leave becasue I was afraid that I would never see you again, but I didn't allow this fear to surface.
On the walk home, you insisted we take the back alleys, becasue it would be quicker. I sensed that you were flirting wiht me, but I pushed that thought to the back of my mind becasue I knew it was only wishful thinking. after all, it was your idea to end the relationship. Then you took my hand, using the excuse that you were cold, and I had a flashback of the first time you held my hand. You used that same excuse, but I knew it was just that, an excuse. Was it just an excuse this time also, or were you really cold.I couldn't tell. I wouldn't allow myslef to entertain the thought that yuo might still want what I wanted more than life itself.
Then you moved my hand to your lips and gently kissed it. Your lips sent a fire through my entire body. I felt the fire travel from my hand, up my arm, to my heart, and then explode into my entire body. The fire I experienced from just a simple kiss on the hand from you was so strong that I was no longer aware of the fact that it was only 30 degrees outside.
I still tried to compose myself, but then you touched my face, in that loving manner in which you used to, and when I turned to face you, you gently pressed your lips against mine, and in that moment all of the feelings I'd repressed throughout my visit with you surfaced.
�
�
