Current Mood: sad
7:47 p.m. - 09/23/2007
I scream cause it hurts....
So I just read my drunken blog from Friday nigth and surprisingly it actually made a lot of sense and did a pretty good job expressing how I feel. I just wihs I was rich. That way I could afford to move and just fly home to see my mom every weekend. This whole thing sucks! And you know waht sucks even more is the fact that I don't think he cares nearly as much as I do. he's the only one who can make me happy. I know that. But I don't think he feels the same about me. I think that he feels like it would be easy to replace me. I just wish he hadn't sucked me back into his life by telling me that he still loved me. Why couldn't we just continue that scandelous little affair that we had going on, where I knew nothing would ever come of it? why did he have to get my hopes up?
Seriously, haven't I suffered enough when it comes to matters of the heart? Don't I deserve to FINALLY be happy in love? Don't I deserve to have a love life without complications? Don't I deserve to be able to say "this is my boyfriend and I love him" and not be lying. Like seriously, I haven't had a boyfriend who I genuinely loved since Duffie and I broke up. I had to trick myself into believing thayt I loved them in order to make the relationship work. Meanwhile, i'm cheating on them physically and emotionally. Really just using them to have someone to lay next to at night. Who knows, maybe things will work out, but right now I'm feeling less than hopeful.
�
�
