Current Mood: brokenhearted
3:20 a.m. - 09/22/2007
\"But I'm not, so i can't and I won't\"
Ok. Let's start with a disclaimer because I'm drunk. So I can't be responsible for what I say, although I am trying to keep it straight.
Now, I am very pissed off, kind of annoyed, kind of hurt, right now because I have just come to the realization (thanks to a little help form stephanie) that I will probvably nevewr ever ever be with the only person in this entire world who I am capable of loving unconditionally. And that sucks. Why does life have to amke things so complicated? Why can't he just follow his heart. Hell, why can't I? Why do i have to have all of these responsibilities tieing me down to this place?
I ahte my life right now. I hate my situation. A relocation would help me with both those problems, but I just can't. I can't bring myself to leave my mom and the cats. And it sucks.
Meanwhile, I've realized how jaded I am when it comes to love and relationships. it's pretty terrible. And ther's really no way to fix it unless some miracle can happen that would enable the one who I love more than anyhting to call me his girlfriend. And unfortuantely that's not gonna happen,a nd it makes me wanna cry. So I'll bounce from meaningless relationship to meaningless relationship cause no one will ever make me feel the way he does. And life will be miserbale, and Ill just be going through the motions of everyday life. I had him, I lost him, I almost had him again, then I lost him forever.
Kersten sent me a text earlier saying we should have a throw rocks at boys party I am so down for that, cause they suck. and are suck dickwads.
I would be the perfect girlfirend. I mean he is much more than slightly less than perfecr, he doesn't deserve my love, but he has it unconditionally,
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