Current Mood:
8:27 a.m. - 09/27/2011
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So right now one of two things could be happeneing to me. I could either be feeling the severe depressive effects of alcohol (severe because I drank so much of it last week between the bachelorette party, the bachelor party, the rehearsal dinner and the wedding). Alcohol is a depressant, and it's always worse in me because i suffer from depressiona anyway. or it could be PMDD, since I'm a week out from my period. Or probably a combination of both. In any event, I feel absolutely horrible. I want to lock myself in my room and stay in bed all day. I want to cry for no reason. Everything just seems so dark and grim. I wish I knew how to pull myself out of this hole. I know it'll pass in a few days, but for now it's unbearable. I dragged myself out of bed and to work today, because I've been MIA here for a while doing wedding stuff, and let me tell you that today is unbearable. Everytime someone says something to me I want to cry. It's not even that they're saying a bad thing. They could just ask me how I am. I think that makes me want to cry because I wish I didn't feel it necessary to lie and tell everyone that I am fine. I wish I could tell everyone that I am barely holding on. It makes me feel worse that I'm baerly holding on for no reason. there is no reason for me to be so unhappy. Well actually if I really think about it, there's my financial hole. I'm barely able to afford my rent. And the worst part of it is that I ignore it and pretend like everything will work itself out. It won't. I'll probably be evicted. I need a new job, I need more money, but am stuck. Getting my liscense would help, but without anti anxiety/depression meds, I don't think that's possible, and my solution to most problems since I'm not taking them (getting high) won't work, since i can't exactly be high while I drive.
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