Current Mood:
8:00 a.m. - 11/6/2003
feeling guilty
Feeling guilty....
Missing you....
Hating myself for the things you don't even know I've been putting you through....
Why do I continue to do this to myself? Why does love have to be so complicated sometimes? Why can't everything work out and we live happily ever after? Is there even such a thing? Does anyone ever really live happily ever after? At one point I really believed that I was on my way to happily ever afteer with Duffie....but as you can see things ddin't work out as well as I would have liked them to. Maybe I should just give him up and move on with my life, but I can't. No one will ever compare to him.
You know what I miss the most? Little things. Like watching General Hospital together, naked in my bed at home. Or going to Union Station together to see movies. Or riding the metro together. Goodbye kisses on the cheeck. The way it felt when he would put his arms around me and tell me that he missed me. The stupid things we would argue about over the phone. Him playfully teasing me about something stupid that I've done or said. The way that just a touch of his hand would heat up my whole body, and make my heart beat faster. Wiht just one touch he could make me feel more emotions than anyone ever had.
I wonder if he still thinks about me. I wonder if he still feels the same way about me that I feel about him. I wonder if there have been any other girls in his life. I wonder if our relationship will be able to survive the truth about the men in mine.....
He really is the only one I love, so I don't know why I continue to jump every guy that comes my way when I'm drunk.
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