Current Mood:
10:25 a.m. - 2006-06-17
What does it mean?
I think I'm lovestruck, but I'm not sure. Maybe it's just the result of Michelle constantly telling me to kick Jacob to the curb. But I don't know, whenever I think of any of them I feel the same way, but the feelings for jacob are greater. Sure I love just looking at the exex and remembering what we had and talking to him, and I love looking at the never ex and having fun with him and talking to him about nontrivial stuff, but mention Jacob when I'm wiht any of them and I forget how much I like them. I focus on how much I love him. I wish he would just choose, but for some reason he won't. Although I think the fact that he's puttin her in the shadows and entertaining my desires shows who he would really chose, but I want something concrete.
So apparently I have to show him that I really do love him and he has to show me that he can be trusted. I'm dying to see how this ends up becasue all the trust is gone. All becasue of her. How does she live wiht herself knowing what she's done? How does shelive with herself knowing that she'll only ever be second to me in his life and accepting that. Nothing more than his dirty little secret, that he doesn't want anyone to know about. He tried to make me that, but I have enough pride and self esteem not to allow that.
Anyway today with him was partially fun. I let my hormones get the best of me and exploded on him, but you know how that is. We "made up" and he told me not to worry about anything becasue he does understand how I feel. But what the hell does that mean? All I know is that I'm making the most of my time with him, and hopefully he'll see his stupid mistake.
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