Current Mood: Lovesick
7:38 a.m. - 05/22/2007
\"I just thought you should know\"..... \"You make me want to vomit\"
"I just thought you should know" he said. "That's all." And then I told him that he made me want to vomit... In a good way of course. And that was that.
Seriously who does that? Who tells their ex that they are still in love with them and when questioned about it and what it means says "I just thought you should know." I swear this boy is going to drive me insane. He already is driving me insane because for some reason even though he had to be the worst host in the world and made me fend for myself and never took me anywhere and barely took time away from his video games to pay attention to me, I wish I was still there. For some crazy reason I just enjoyed the feeling of being near him. Forget about my "engagement" and the wonderful other man in my life who is very attentive and chivalrous and who engages in long conversations with me about anything and everything, he doesn't make me want to vomit. And as Kersten once said that's how you know if its true.
I just wish talking about our feelings wasn't like pulling teeth with the two of us. I wish I could express to him how much he means to me and how I would be willing to do anything for him. I wish that when I was leaving yesterday I could have said how much I was going to miss him and how much I enjoyed sitting around doing absolutley nothing with him. But instead I just casually said goodbye without so much as a hug or a kiss.
So here I am unable to concentrate on anything, unable to sleep at night because thoughts of him are haunting my mind, hating myself for wanting him and not wanting the guy who looks perfect on paper. You know waht it is, he genuinely makes me smile. Without even trying. He's just got that kind of personality.
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