Current Mood: frustrated
8:53 p.m. - 07/26/2007
Don't be a hypocrite
I'm really good at being a hypocrite and I have to force myself not to be one in this instance. I absolutely cannot let fact that he is fuckin around with other girls make me angry because HELLO! I'm fuckin around with other guys. Lots of other guys. A couple of them I actually like. So why does it choke me up to know that he is out there doing the same thing that I am?
And it's not like I feel this way because I was gonna stop waht I was doing or anything. In fact there's a certain young hottie who i can't wait to hook up with again, but I don't want him doing the smae thing. I want him to sit at home and swoon over me. I want him to stare at my picture and long for me. I want him to want me so much that he can't stand the thought of even looking at another girl.
But I realize I have to stop being so self centered. "No Lea, the world does not revolve around you." What makes me think that he's gonna sit at home and long for me. I don't do that for him. Sure I want him badly and I really really wish we could be together all the time. But since we can't I find others to entertain me. And think nothing of it. So why do I care if he's doing the same thing? You know on more than one occasion when we were texting each other I had the guy I was going home with for the night sitting right next to me. I mean I can write a book on how to be a motherfuckin P.I.M.P. lol. I'm that girl who confuses the hell out of guys because I'm the one who doesn't get clingy afterwards. I've got guys who are obsessed with me because of how cool I am and what a good hook up I am. So again, why do I care if he's doing the same thing (and let me just add not nearly as well as me)
So what if while I'm hooking up with hotties, he's hooking up with skanky hoes? We are not together!
And sex is sex and love is love. That's why I care so much i guess. because I do love him, but again while I love him I can go out and be with other guys so why shouldn't he be able to do the same thing? This is just so frustrating.
You know what I think the problm is? We are just way too compatable for each other. I can't trust him because I know that he's probably out there doing the same stuff I'm doing and the stuff I'm doing is anything but trustworthy. Not that trust is even an issue because we aren't together. but if we did get together I wouldn't trust him because I don't think i could trust myself.
Why can't he just fall so deeply in love with me that it takes over his whole life and makes him sit at home and wait for me until I'm done sowing my wild oats.
"It's bad news... But i don't blame you...I do the same thing I get lonely too.."
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