Current Mood: drunk and content
1:16 a.m. - 09/29/2007
waht are we doing?
Before I start, I'll warn you that I'mm drunk.
So I thought I'd write something to counter my last entr.y3
because i no longer feel that way. And it's not like anything has really changed. it's just that my state of mind has changed. Last week I was in a serious slump. So on the border of falling back into those old nasty habits of mine. And it gave me a negative outlook on anything. But yesterday sudeenly I started feeling better. And surprisingly I think it was because when i got home from work I lost my phone in my mess of a room and was forced to clean it and that gave me something else to focus on other than how much I hated my life. The rest of the week I would come home from work, sit down watch tv and sulk. But yeah after I found my phone yesterday i just felt all normal again.
So here's the deal. I don't want to be in a relationship now. Especially a long sdistance one because HELLO I'm me, and I'm shady as hell, hence the shady lady name, But I do love him more than anything. And could see myself being with him and only him (he's the only person i see myself in that way with) But again i know unless something chan ges and I actually do move back to FL (like many people want me to btw) then we shouldn't be together it would be torturous for both of us. What we have now is fine. I'm content and so is he. My main thing though is that I don't want him to find a gf down there that forces us to end our lovely littel relationship. But anyway, love is good, love sucks too though. I don't know. All I know is that I am content now. But eventually I thinkI'll want more. its like seriously what are we doing? Every vcisit I fall more and more in love with him, if that's even possible. Which is stupid since we can't be together. So why visit at all? Simply because I can't live without him. Oh the whole situations ucks sooo much. and now I'm goign to bed, cuase I'm tired and drunk and to tell the truth I don't know whqat the hell I'm even saying, I'm just typing my thoughts as they come.
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