Current Mood: bleh
8:26 a.m. - 10/19/2007
Running with Scissors wasn't smart, I tripped and cut open your heart.....
Seriously. Is it too much for me to ask for a guy who loves me so much that he is willing to fight to preserve our relationship? Is it too much to ask for a guy who would only ever shed a tear at the thought of losing me?
I don't think it is too uchy to ask. I know they exist somewhere out there. I just can't find one who'll not only fall in love with me, but who I am actually interested in. My probelm is my taste. For some reason the guys I want the most are always the biggest assholes. This one asshole guy who I hooked up with before told me that its because girls have this innate desire to fix things and they like the challenge of trying to turn an asshole into a good person. This guy's a total idiot, but I think he was really on to something there. I mean how awesome would it feel to know that love for you made this guy become a better person. Nice guys are great at first but after a while they get boring because there's no challenge, nothing of interest to keep you with them. I get so bored with nice guys and it's terrible. I have had wonderful nice guys fall in love wiht me and what do I do? Treat them like crap or cheat on them with guys that treat me like crap. I remember back when I was dating Jacob, he, danny and I went to eat dinner together after chad's wedding and Danny being someone who I tell everything to, knew that I was getting bored with Jacob because he was a nice guy. So Danny trying to be nice and give Jacob a hint, went on this tirade about how girls like a guy who's an asshole, and how nice guys will always finish last because the girls will get bored. And idiot Jacob didn't take the hint and started hating Danny for pretty much insulting him. Then what did I do? A few weeks later I got so bored with Jacob that I started persuing other guys by telling them that me and Jacob had broken up(when we really hadn;t).
Well anyway on another note, I'm having a small party on Saturday and I have 3 guys on my 'to do' list. It'll be reminiscent of those old leakerjen days at UC only with out the kerjen. One of them is going to be a challenge cause he has a gf (yeah I know I'm a terrible person), one of them is going to be no challenge since the only reason he agreed to come was to hook up wiht me, and the other is somewhere inbetween. So we'll see what happens. What about the love of my life? you ask. What it comes down to is the fact that he's not here and I am and he's not willing to give into the fact that he's still in love with me so I'm not gonna just sit around and long for him. I'm gonna go out and have fun as I'm sure he is also doing. And if we end up together great, if not, I've gotten used o being alone, or to being in passionless, loveless relationships, so I'll deal.
I was talking to Stephanie yesterday and she thinks that he's not really in love with me and that he just said that for the sex. My thing is why would he say that when it did nothing but make his life more complicated if he doesn't mena it. I mean I was all for the sex before he told me that. I was planning a trip down t visit him before he said he was still in love with me. I had no problem keeping it strictly sexual, no feelings involved. And then he had to go and say that, and now everything is all confusing. Seriously, what guy doens't want a girl who is willing to have a strictly sexual relationship wiht him. Why would a guy who has that ruiin it by telling her that he loves her and getting feelings involved if he doens't mean it? So I have to believe that Stephanie is just being a bitch when it comes to him per usual because she hates him and hates the thought of me and him together. BUT he's not making any strides to be with me, so who really knows.
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