Current Mood: disheartened and kind of angry
10:12 a.m. - 11/01/2007
Something in your eyes is making such a fool of me....
I wish I coould fast forward a couple years in the future to see how this all plays out. Do you know how stupid I am going to feel if I end up getting my heart broken by him again.
I just wish I knew who to believe. I hate the fact that Stephanie is trying to sabotage our relationship. She's supposed to be my best friend so then why did I find out that she sent the guy I am in love with suggestive pictures of herself? And why the hell didn't he tell me about them? He says he feels stronger for me than any other woman, but he also says he's not ready to settle down, which I completely understand. I'm just afraid that while we're out there seeing other people we might find someone else. And I really don't want that. I want us to be together. No one will ever make me feel the way he does. And I know no one will ever love him as much as I do. I just wish he could see that. I guess I could always go back into the boyfirend stealing business cause the only other guy I'm interested in is seeing someone else. But I really don't want to do that. Damn it where is my Austrailian soul mate who is going to wisk me away on his motorcycle and love me more than life itself. I just wish things had turned out differently. I mean i guess its good that he broke my heart all those years ago because it helped me grow as a person. But I wonder what was so terrible about me that made him incapable of loving me. Incapable of being a loyal boyfriend to me.
Whatever. I', so much better than all of this. There are so many guys who want me. So if he wants to have his fun. I'll have mine too. I know fate will eventually bring us together. But for now I think I just have to accept the fact that he's not ready. I guess if I really think about it, I'm not either. Considering the fact that I have a desire to have another encounter with more than just one of my past flings. So whatever. I'll just trust it'll all work out.
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