Current Mood: hopeful
8:56 a.m. - 12/26/2007
\"I fuckin love you! But....\"
So thats what he said to me late a couple nights ago while we were talking and he was a little tipsy. Funny cause I didn't start the conversation. I like to stay away from topics such as that because they tend to ruin the mood. He was joking around with me about the dates of my next visit and he said 'well i don't think my gf will like that.' I think I responded by saying 'oh that's so nice of you to say' and thats when he went into his spiel. He has very strong feelings for me but we live to far away. Followed by a "I fuckin love you but..." At first it made me a little upset because it shouldn't be follwed by a but. If he fuckin loves me then we should be together no matter how far we are. But that's not going to happen anytime soon and I still have hope for the future so I chose to ignore it and change the subject. I did however like his phrasing of words. Because it showed a little bit of passion and frustration about the fact that we can't be together now which I never get from him. I'm the one always expressing that frustration as you all can tell form my blogs. It made me realize that he really does love me and have strong feelings for me. Someday we will be together. I know it. Just take a look at how far we come. If you'd have asked me a couple years ago if I'd ever even see Duffie again the answer would have been a sold no (even though I would have been hoping that I would). Then last year when I had seen him if you'd have asked me if our relationship would ever progress to more than just a hookup every now and then, I would have given another solid no (even though I would have been hoping that we would). And now look at us. For all intents and puposes we are dating. We are just allowed to see other people. We love each other but we are too far away. I visit him once a month and we get to play couple, I get to sleep next to him and spend all my time with him, which I love. When I'm not there we talk just about every day and just hearing from him brightens up my day. So seeing how our relationship has progressed over the past few years gives me lots of hope for our future. This year I got that Christmas wish I had been hoping for since he and I broke up the first year. Who knows maybe next year I'll get a better version of it and we will actually be together for real. I love him so much. So whereas that 'but' upset me when it was first said, it no longer does, cause I feel like some great cosmic force is going to continue to pull us together.
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