Current Mood: hopeful
8:50 a.m. - 01/18/2008
It can be enough
So last night i was up until 4 am talking to a drunk Duffie. Because I agreed to stay up and talk to him even though i had work today, he agreed to answer any questions that I asked him. So after some light and fluffy questions i got serious and asked him about us. I liked the answers for the most part. I know that he really does love me now. I mean i already knew but I will admit that I had lingering doubts. He thinks that I have a good heart. I thought that was so sweet of him to say, because I always thought that I came off as coldhearted. I like teh fact that he can see past that. So he told me that he doesn't really know waht he wants from me. If I was in Tampa I would be "his lady" but I'm not so... And he said he can't ask me to move there cause that wouldn't be right. I think I gave the wrong response when he said that. i told him I'm not the type of person to move somewhere for a man anyway, and that is true. But I should have mentioned that I am the type of person who would add him to my list of considerations to moving there. I'm not going to move for the sole purpose of being with him, but if I have other reasons in addtion to him i would. And there are other reaons I would move there. First and foremost I miss Florida like crazy. Secondly I have actually been looking at grad schools in florida, since they have some really good ones for wildlife conservation. SO it wouldn't be solely because of him. And I would wait until I didn't have anything tieing me down here. Like the earliest I would do it would be October when my lease is up, it'll be that time of year again when I have to renew my appointment at HUD and I could just choose not to do so. And that will be around the end of GLT season. So I'm not really giving anything up. Also Tampa has one of the best conservation centers for great cats. it's called big cat rescue and i would love to trade in my job at the zoo for a job there. I wish I would have told him all of this to give him hope about the chance of us being together. I think my response kind of confirmed for him the fact that this distance will keep us apart forever.
I refuse to give up on him, on us. So if I can just keep him from falling in love with someone else in my absence until October then I think we'll be good. And it shouldn't be too hard with monthly visits and frequent phone calls to remind him of how much he loves me. Hell I haven't seen him since the end of October, thats almost 3 months and he still loves me, so I think we'll be good.
It's just great to know that he really does love me. I cna't tell you how wonderful that makes me feel. Now I've just got to figure out a way to make him believe that our love can survive this distance.
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