Current Mood: sad
4:07 p.m. - 02/01/2008
damn this distance
how can something so great make me feel so terrible?
How is it possible that the one who I love more than anything and who says that he loves me makes me cry more than anyone else?
OK so i have to stop focusing on the terrible stuff that happened last night. this was a great trip. Lots more honesty came out. And I actually told him my plans to move here next october and he's ok wiht that. he does want to be with me, but he's not going to do the distance thing. which i just have to keep reminding myself is smart. It just sucks cause i think i could do the distance thing and be faithful. But i guess a damper would be put on our relationship cause i would never trust him.
Again this whole thing sucks. And then last night, although honesty is good, did i have to be such a basketcase. I brought up how much he hurt me in the past. I brought up all of my insecurities. I pretty much broke every rule in the Leandria Campbell book on how to manipulate men. I gave him the upper hand. And it sucks.
He has to be the one for me. I have never felt for anyone else what I feel for him. And all drama aside, he really makes me happy. he makes me smile. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel loved.
So hopefully things can hold out until October when my lease is up. I'll keep up with my monthly visits to prevent him from trading me in for one of those young skanks he messes around with in my absence.
On a completely different note. I can be a real bitch sometimes. I did something kind of mean to one of my friends but oh well the whore deserves it and its not as bad as what she did to me a few months ago, this is just a little bit of revenge to kind of out her for who she really is.
But back to the important stuff. I'm about to head back to dc, and I am soooo sad. A month is way too long to wait to see the one you love.
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