Current Mood:
1:46 a.m. - 02/11/2008
Birthday Blues
Happy frickin birthday to me. So I had a great weekend celebrating my birthday with my friends and family. Life is pretty good. 25 isn't that old. So tell my why when midnight hit and I was offically 25 i just couldn't hold back the tears and started crying uncontrollably. It might be because this is the first time i have literally been alone when midnight hit and it was offically my birthday, but still. I'm also a little hormonal right now so that probably had soemthing to do with it to. But seriosuly, I just feel like crap.
My life is not bad, but it's nothing like i expected it to be by the time i was 25.
And then theres the added stress of this stupid relationship that i torture myself with. Sometimes it makes me feel great, but other times it makes me feel like crap. How can he say he loves me and not do everything in his power to try to be with me? How can he spend his time screwing girls he meets on the internet in between my visits if he loves me so much? This crazy girl that he fucked is stalking him and is saying that shes pregnant now. Its obvious that shes lying because she claims she knows the sex already and feels it kicking which couldn't happen after a month, but it got me thinking. What if he does fuck up and get some girl pregnant. I could never look at him the same way again. I would lose him forever. It would hurt me so much. So why am I setting myself up for that?
Its just that no one else can make me feel as happy as he makes me feel, but I guess you cna't get one without the other, so that person who can make you so happy, is also the one who can tear you apart the most.
So tomorrow or later today rather, my coworkers are taking me to lunch. Hopefully I feel better by then and there aren't bags under my eyes from crying. Then I'm going to my mom's house for cake and to get my presents.
I just wish I didn't feel like such a failure right now. I guess this is why people stop celebrating thier birthdays as they get older.
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