Current Mood:
6:21 p.m. - 05/26/2008
Good friends are hard to find so it's stupid to throw them away
So I have a confession to make.
I really miss being friends with Stephanie. Something happens throughout the day that gets me a little excited and I find myself wanting to pick up the phone and call her to tell her about it. I kind of miss sitting on the phone with her talking about absolutely nothing or maybe even sitting in silence for hours at a time. Silly right? Or maybe what's silly is the fact that we threw 9 years of friedship away indirectly over a guy. You know when we all went away to college I still kept in touch with my MCRG friends but ti was mainly through aim or a phone call once every other month or so. it was even that way with Andre. Stephanie is the only one I saw on every visit home, talked to regularly, and always knew all the details of my life away. She was so helpful when my mom was sick when she was here and I was away at school, by driving her places. She was helpful with the cat situation. I could always talk to her about the depression situation and she understood, cause she had been through the same thing. i could talk to her About the abusive boyfriend thing, about all the shameful things I did with people i shouldn't ahve done them with. And she still remained my friend. it's rare to find someone who you can completely trust. I have very few of those people who I can talk to absolutley everything about. I mean even though Andre is my best friend he can't understand everything I talk to him about so he doesn't make for a good listener. People I can completely open up to and who I know don't judge me are Kersten, Michelle, Danny, and formerly stephanie. Joe and Andre and now kate are on the sometimes list. But with a list that short, it seems stupid shorten it even more over something stupid. So I'm going to be the bigger person and call her later (probably after a few drinks cause I'm a lush)
With Duffie no longer being my love interest it's stupid to hold onto a grudge caused by him. He wasn't there for me all those years. in fact when he disappeared all those years ago Stephanie was there to help me get over him. He was no where to be found when my mom was sick and I was going through the worst time of my life. I did talk to him after that night jacob gave me the black eye and it did make me feel better, and sleeping with him helped me get over that whole jacob relationship, but that's about it. When you weigh one relationship over the other, as much as I loved him, Stephanie's friendship is worth more.
I'm so angry that any of this stuff happened. And I'm still angry about what she did and feel that my revenge on her was nothing compared to what she did to me, but given everything we've been through i think it's time to put an end to this stupid grudge
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