Current Mood: hungover
9:57 a.m. - 07/18/2008
I feel like crap
I feel like crap in more ways than one. First of all I went out with Andre last night for his birthday. I was the only straihgt person because all the other ones had to leave early since they had work today. I of course have work too, and had to drag myself out of bed this morning to get here, but I had to go out for my best friend's birthday. Especially since he's leaving town for 10 days today. But anyway, so in order to forget about the fact that I was the only straight girl in a bar full of gay men, and that the guys I was with were getting hit on like crazy while I'm sitting in a corner, I got trashed. I remember now why I stopped going out with Andre to the gay bars, it's a total self esteem killer. It was annoying when Andre goes to show everyone his new tattoo and they all get excited and I go to show mine and no one really cares. It's like an "oh thats nice" kind of thing. Oh and then there3's the abthroom issue. So they have a single bathroom for women, not like the onole wiht multiple stalls and urinals for the men, which makes sense because hardly any women go there. So you'd think I'd hardly ever have to wait in line to go. But then you'd think wrong because there are always guys in there. So yesterday I'm waiting for about 5 minutes, and finally not one, not 2, but 3 guys come out of the bathroom, and when I was done and came out, they were waiting to go back in. Such whores, I swear. But anyway, the point is I hate going to gay bars with Andre. But you know I think it might be even deeper than that. I think I'm becoming antisocial in my old age. Like I already have my set friends and I have no interest in meeting new ones, unless its through one of the set ones, in which case it's okay. And I definately don't want to meet guys at bars, because I'm too old for that stupid one night hook up type stuff, and lets face it that's really all meeting people at bars is about.But anyway, I'm off topic.
So yeah pretty much I had to drink a lot to balance out the lack of fun i was having, because when I'm drunk I cna make anything fun. And I'm paying for all of that dirnking now.
So I also feel like crap because I'm still really really sore from that damn tattoo. I swear my other one didn't hurt this much, because if it did I probably wouldn't have gotten another one. Okay, actually that's not true cause even sitting here leaned over sitting at the edge of my seat to try to keep the skin on the small of my back straight becuase that seems to hurt the least, I still want that thrid one on my leg.
And lastly I feel like crap emotionally. I think I just have too much going on. I hate my job. My grandmother is being stupid with this whole me taking Jasmine up to her college orientation thing and is making way too big of a deal about it and to make things worse now I think my aunt sharon and uncle joe are coming too, which I totally don't want to deal with. So don't get me wrong, I love my family, but Sharon gets on my last nerve. I honestly believe that she thinks that she is better than the rest of the family, because she hardly ever comes around or talks to anyone until she's give the oppertunity to come in and look like the hero or soemthing. And she's a know it all. You know I was thinking the other day and I really think if anyone has the right to feel that way it's my mom.
Just think about it, Sharon has this know it all attitude when it comes to jasmine's high school graduation and her going to college and everything, but her own daughter, lala who also has started to annoy the hell out of me, didn't even graduate from high school. None of my mom's brothers and sisters have children who went to college. It was just me. So I definately think that's something for her to be proud of. Yeah I screwed around a lot with the drinking and the guys, but when it came down to it I really cared about graduating from college because that's the way she raised me. To want to excel above and beyond everyone else. And to take it a generation back further, the only one of my grandmaother's kids who went to college right after high school and graduated then was lana, which I don't even really count all that much becuase she went to UDC which is nicknamed the university of dumb children (I really don't mean that to sound mean and I'm sorry if I offend any UDC students who might be reading this) But yeah I don't even think it's accredited. My mother went to Marquette for a year after HS but then dropped out and eventually went back to school to get her degree. But yeha so pretty much I'm the first Queen(my mom's maiden name) family member to go to college (an acredited one) right after HS and graduate, which my mom should be proud of and should have braggin rights for, especially when they talk to her like she doesn't know what she's doing. She's a much better perosn than I am because I would totally be like "uhm excuse me did your child go to college? No that's right she didn't even graduate from high school becuase she was too busy running the streets. So why don't you keep your mouth closed." But that's the thing about my mom, she is good at removing herself from the situation when they get on her nerves.
But even more so than her raising the first collegiate Queen, she always, and I mean always, ends up being the one to make sure that things that need to get done, get done. Booking trips my grandmother plans, getting Jasmine's finaincial aid information together, helping people with computer issues, doing taxes. They always come to her for everything and she helps out, and they totally don't appreciate it.
But I've gone way off track now. The point is I really don't feel like dealing with them on this trip. And I see no reaosn why if they are going I have to go too. And I definatley don't want to stay 2 extra days like grandma wants us to. Cna you just picture me up at Cheyney dealing with all those ghetto people that tend to flock at HBCU's, especially nonprestigious ones. I'd lose my mind. I'm not being racisit, I'm just stating that the type of people who go to schools like that are really into their black culture, and expect me to be also since I have bronze skin. But I am not, probably because I was raised by my non black mother (she is mixed with indian and native american). It actually drives me a little crazy. Sharon and Joe would probably be fine with that so again why cna't they just take her and let me be. To tell you the truth Jasmine has been on my nerves lately ever since she pulled that stunt with getting to my house at 2:30 in the morning without calling me, and I have lost all of the pride and confindence in her that I sued to have. I honestly believe that she's gonna end up dropping out of college because I think to her, getting out of my grandmother's house is more important than the actual schooling.
But yeah all this is only part of why I feel like crap emotionally right now, but I must get some work done so I'll write more later
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