Current Mood:
10:26 a.m. - 07/09/2009
Reality sucks. Send me back to college
I wish more than anything that I was still in college and not dealing with this real world bullshit. Why does life have to suck so much? it's like you have this amazing college experience and think you can handle reality when you graduate, but reality sucks even more than what people who were already in the real world warned you. So some problems with work.
1)As far as telework goes, why the hell cant people work at home all the time? If you have a stupid desk job like I have, and have barely any contact with any of your coworkers throughout the day, then why do i need to be in the office to do that owrk when I can do it perfectly fine at home? I think all agencies should allow workers to telework unless they are working on group projects, or have meetings. Employees will be more well rested, they'll be more efficient, and office conflicts wont arise as often becasue people who dont get along dont have to see each other as often. I woouldnt have the annoying problme of my office mates talking to loud for me to concentrate. I wouldnt have an hour and a half commute to work in the morning (which btw used to only take 45 minutes and has now increased becasue of that stupid red line accident).It'd be better for the environment by getting more cars off the road. and traffic wouldnt be a nightmare. It's just stupid that we cnat do it all the time.
2)being sick. I'm actually speaking of mentally sick, because I feel very mentally ill right now, but I think it can apply to physical ailments as well. When I fell into a depression when i was in school I could just stay home and deal with it for a month and pull myself out. maybe withdraw from some classes but thats it. Now that I work I can't. I only have so much sick leave and it should be saved in case i actually do get physically sick. So I have to force myself to get out of bed, and drag myself to work even though i feel like taking a knife to my wrists and crying all day (disclaimer: I will never again take a knife to my wrists even though I feel like doing so. I have gotten to the point where I can control those cutting urges, and can proudly say that I havent done it since around halloween 2007) I'm forced to push all these feelings away because there's work to be done. And because I need to have a job to pay the bills. So I internalize all these feelings and put on a smile, which is probably the most harmful thing I cna do to myself because the issues never get resolved. I've turned to some very unhealthy methods of getting through the day that teeter along the lines of legality. but what else can I do? The worst part of this depression is that it doesnt really have a direct cause, although if I really think about it, most don't. Something really small just triggers all the pent up emotions to come storming out and make my body so overwhelmed it crashes.
3)Acting responsibly. Why should I be expected to represent myself in a professional manner all the frickin time? I'm still young, i like to go out to bars and party, and theres nothing wrong with that. there's nothing illegal about excessive drinking. So why is it a big deal that I do all of this stuff when I'm not at work as long as I still do a great job when I am at work? I frickin hate the fact that so many adults are getting facebook now. Although i guess technically I'm an adult too, but I mean like poeple triyng to use it for professional reasons. A few people at HUD have friend requested me. I accepted, and thought about blocking some of their access to my page, but then said fuck it. This is who I am. It shouldnt matter because I still do a kick ass job at everything I do. If I want to dress super slutty when i go out to bars or parties, and take scandelous photos, it shouldnt matter, because stuff like that has nothing to do with my professional life.
I've got a bunch of other stuff I want to complain about, but now I have to get back to this stupid work. Have I mentioned I hate my job? I hate people and I work in public housing. I cringe everytime we "help" people and get excited when we take money away. yeah I am that kind of person.
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