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1:19 p.m. - 05/20/2006
Abandonment
Abandonment is the theme for today.
Why am I always getting abandoned?
Or rather, why do I feel like I'm always being abandoned?
Why do I want so much?
Why is it all or nothing with me?
It seriously hurts me inside to not have it all. It hurts me so much that I do crazy things to try to get it all, and in doing so end up losing the little bit that I do have left.
I can't help it. I just feel so lonely. I need someone around me at all times to prevent me from becoming a victim of my thoughts.
I hate being alone. I absolutely hate it, and not just physically, like there's no one in this room right now alone. I hate being emotionally alone. I hate not having someone to lean on. I miss having someone who loved me no matter what I did. That was the best feeling in the world, becasue I thought I'd never be alone again.
But obviously, it was just me being stupid again. Surprise, surprise, he abandoned me. And it really hurts me to think that pretty soon, I'll never see him again. And it hurts me even more to know that when I stop seeing him that stupid skank is probably going to slither her snakey way back into his life, if she hasn't already, which I have suspicions of. He's way to good for her. She's an immature, lying, ghetto, slutty skank. And she's ugly. And she presumes to know about me and Jacob's relationship. That stupid bitch has no idea waht goes on between us.
I just wish he could see waht a bad person she is. Why do boys have to be so dumb? I really just want to throw rocks at them all day. Maybe one of them will knock some sense into them.
Yes we had many many bad times, but we also had some really great times. Why can't he remember them? I guess they weren't that great to him.
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