Current Mood:
1:25 p.m. - 05/26/2006
Feeling so icky
I just feel so icky inside. i don't know how else to describe it. Between the lies, the drama, the tears and the pain I don't think I can take it anymore. It's so sad to see something come to end, but I have to accept it. Jacob is no longer the person I fell in love with. That skank Fatimah changed him for the worst.
I'm so fristrated right now becasue I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get rid if this tight feeling in my chest that prevents me from breathing, prevents me from living.
I can't wait until I see a new psychiatrist so that I can get some new meds. MAybe now that they have a proper diagnosis, the meds will help me stabalize my moods instead of just pulling me up. I need treatment becasue I hate caring, but I do. I hate this whole situation.
I feel like i gave up the best, nicest, guy I'm ever going to get chasing a stupid dream that's not going to come true. I don't know why I torture myself, butI hate the thought of them. I hate the thought of her being around him. And it hurts more than anything has ever hurt me before to know that he put her above me last night when I needed him.
And you know what else bothers me? the fact that he gets so fricken sensitive about a certain subject, and blames me for making him feel that way. He won't talk to me about it unless he's yelling, and he won't acknowledge that maybe, just maybe that was a really hard thing for me to go through alone. So waht if it makes you feel guilty. You are guilty. You did it. We both did. I learned to live with it so its time you did too. I guess that's waht I get for trying to spare his feelings.
So now I'm sitting here, really thinking aboiut picking up the blade, but I'm tryin not too. So depressed I cna't get out of bed. I did absolutely nothing today. I didn't go to any classes even though I really should have gone to Renaissance Drama.
Grrr
I hate the fact that he has such a low opinion of me now. How can someone you claimed to love fall so low on your list of priorities? How was it so easy for you to move on to the first skank that came along?
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