Current Mood:
1:08 p.m. - 04/14/2006
Why
Why?
Why does he have to lie to me?
Why does he have to pull me back in right when I begin to let go?
Does he like seeing me hurt, because it lets him know that I care? Is he really that selfish?
Apparently.
He likes having me as "his little big breasted dirty nympho slut" who he can fuck when he gets horny, and who he doesn't have to feel bad about the premarital sex thing with becasue he broke that with me a long time ago, while he's out persuing other girls for an actual relationship. Ugly, skanky girls at that.
I don't know why I keep falling into his trap. It was so easy for me before to say that we weren't meant to be. SO why is it so hard now. Why do I let him do this stuff. Tuesday, I'm so over all of our stupid drama and ready to move on, and before he goes to work, waht happens? Sex, that he initiates. Wednesday, same thing. I wasn't expecting it, I was all about the friend thing, then out of nowhere when we get back from class, we're in his room again having sex. Then the rest of the day we did couplely stuff. I helped him look for a place to live next year, we saw a movie and sat close to each other. We get back from the mvie and he decides that he's going to go out with me Kersten and Robbie (kind of like a double date) he apologizes to me for an argument that we had and admits he was wrong and says I cna sleep in his bed. We go out, we have fun, we go back to Kersten's and spend the whole time flirting, and kissing, then we come home and have sex again.
Thursday, before he goes to work, I get a passionate kiss. And that night we have the wildest, craziest sex ever for a couple of hours. Then today, I wake up naked in his bed, and he's mean to me. He thinks of me as a nuissence. He doesn't want to deal with me asking him any questions. Oh and somewhere in there he admitted that he still has strong feelings for me. But I can't ask him questions about what those feelings mean and whether he has any feelings at all for any other girls. I can't ask him if he's using me or if he really likes me. I can't ask him why he told me he was one place when he was really someone else. If I ask him questions that make him look bad he quickly jumps back to his I hate you mode.
And then there's the girl I'm trying so hard not to refer to as a skank anymore. She contacted me via facebook and said there's nothing between the 2 of them, and that there's no competition, but I just ahve a strange feeling that its not the case. I have a feeling that I'm being stupid in believing waht she says and that she really does still want him. I really hope I'm wrong. But expereince has taught me to trust my feelings.
�
�
